Behind closed doors

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Dear diary ,
  This year wasn't like I wish it , I tought It will be an amazing year , I thought happiness will wait me , I thought life will smile for me ....But nothing happen , I thought I'll be happy but I 'm not ....I drew A perfect picture for this year but nothing happened , I just lose one of my best friend and my relationship with my friends get worse and worse , nothing good happen....This mix of emotions and sensations (love, regret; sadness...) lead me to  bad decisions , I was so realistic , Intelligent , ....I used to know what I want , what I wish ,what I need and who I am .... Now I don't understand what happen , I'm lost in a weird world, every time I open my eyes it's like a dark place , no one there just me , I feel like I'm left behind closed doors , Trying hard not to get in trouble , fighting for something I don't even know , I try ,  try but nothing work ...Attempt hardly to fix my relationships but nothing work , I'm between paradise and hell , I can't take one step .... I really need to travel away , far so far from here to clean my mind , I need a sit with my self to just find an answer to this question :"what I want ? "

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