All things considered, it could be worse.

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Date on timeline : 01 November 2015


  Times have been hard and my patience has been tested to the very fullest degree, but all things considered, things could be worse.

        I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, a relationship that is a total joke but still comforting. I don't have to work and yet I have access to a vehicle if I do happen to get hired somewhere. My hair is growing back out after it getting violently ripped out. My anxiety has been getting better controlled by self-medication and my fear of society is starting to dull.

        I got caught shoplifting tonight at Winco and all I got was a $250 ticket. I was soo lucky because I had a dope pipe on me and my entire stash of benzos on me as well. I also had about a dub of white stashed in my bra too. IDK what I was thinking. I coulda gotten fuuuuuucked over that shit. Plus, it was over some bullshit eyeliner and lip gloss. How retarded am I?

        I'm just worried about when the carpet gets swept out from under me again. Every few weeks Tom enjoys picking a fight and kicking me out on the street with no vehicle or any money to help me not be sleeping in the park down the street or some crack house somewhere. After he layed hands on me he has made a valiant effort to ease my fear of him. He paid half of my ticket from Oregon off, he also gave me some money to go shop at the thrift store, he paid to have my nice phone replaced using the insurance on it which was almost $200 right there, and also spent at least $100 on a Victoria Secret nighty (That one was for him, you know that right?). The point is he is trying and I kind of been a snatch towards him in a very passive aggressive way. He thinks he can buy off the damage he's done to me, but he can't. I will never be the same after moving down here with him.

        I wouldn't have gotten beat with a bat, kicked out on the street three times and never would have met Kevin and endured all that bullshit. He thinks he is some sort of savior but really deep down he's more of a devil.

        It was my decision to move down here and I have certainly paid the price for it. Only now, it's time to pick up the pieces and move the fuck on with my life and pretend none of this mess ever happened.

        I doubt I will have any success with that, but I can certainly hope for it. All I need is some positivity like a new job to come into my life and lighten the load of all this tragedy I've endured lately. I want to get better and I want to succeed but saying this and doing these things are a whole different thing.

        Wish me luck in pursuit of happiness and healthiness. 

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